No Use Crying over a Totalled Car (and other mishaps)

I've been a bad blogger lately. I just haven't had anything worthwhile to write about. Well, that and I've been crazy busy 24/7. But I got into a car accident the other day and it got me thinking. It all started when, after the accident, I returned to work as usual. I was trying to figure out how to get home (out loud, discussing it with a co-worker) when my boss heard and was said 'you what?!?!' All of my co-workers looked at me like I had 3 heads. 'So let me get this straight, you just got into a car accident, your car was towed and you came back here like nothing happened??' Yup, that pretty much sums it up. Is it really so strange not to cry/get upset over such things?? Am I a freak?? (Don't answer that!) Maybe the answer is yes to both questions, but either way I've decided to put together some situations and how to handle them in order to lead a stress free life. :-)

1. Let's take my situation. I hit a brand new Mercedes. My car may be totalled. Should I cry, scream, get upset? No. For one thing, it wasn't my fault. Second, I wanted a new car anyway. And third, what good is crying going to do? It will just ruin my makeup. So then I'll have a wrecked car AND look like crap. No thank you!

2. Your significant other cheated on you. Do you cry? Sure (but don't ruin your make up! You want to look good!) Do you beat he crap out of them? No, you'll just break a nail and/or bruise yourself. And once again, you need to look good and prove to them that you deserve better and can get way better than them.

3. You just lost your job. Look on the bright side: VACATION! You said you needed a day off anyway right? Well now you have a whole bunch. Don't sit there and wallow in self-pity. Do something! Always wanted to go hiking in the mountains? Then go! Clean your house, organize, watch that DVD collection, read all those books in your 'To-Read' pile. Yeah, in between all this look for another job. But don't stress.

You are exactly where you should be a any given moment. And no matter how fast or slow you move, you'll always end up where you are supposed to.

The Numbers Game

We've all heard it. Multiply the number a girl tells you by 3 and divide the number a guy tells you by 3. Yes, I'm talking about the number of sexual partners you've had. I really don't even know what the average, or norm, is for my age. Does it even matter too much anymore? In case you're starting to worry about your "number" now (do you even know it??) I've come up with a few rules to help ease you mind.

1. If you can't remember it, it doesn't count. Just because you wake up in a bed naked, next to another naked body does not necessarily mean you had sex.

2. If it lasted less than 5 minutes, it doesn't count. Really, can that even be considered sex? (Exception: if it was an amazing quickie, then it definately counts).

3. If it was bad, it doesn't count. And I mean bad, awkward, 'is it in yet?', is it over yet? sex. You know what I'm talking about. Don't even lie.

4. If it was with someone who you would never admit to having sex with, it doesn't count. Well, maybe it counts a little... but definately not for a whole number. It's like a half. So if you sleep with two people you would never admit to. Then it counts, and you may have a problem :-p

5. I was going to say 'If you don't get off, then it doesn't count' but let's face it... there will be alot of ladies that are still virgins! haha

**Love life**
Jen

World Wide WTF

Subject: sexy

xoxoxoxoxox

This is an email I got on plentyoffish.com. No lie. No hi my name is..., no I noticed your profile and you seem interesting, not even you're pretty. Am I supposed to be wooed by this??? Seriously. And how am I supposed to respond? xoxoxoxo? There really should be a manual for online dating. I'm not saying I'm an expert, but I certainly know enough not to send someone an email saying just 'you're hot'. Is this third grade? Oooh you're cute tee hehe. I'm just going to put my two cents (or maybe it's a whole quarter) in on the subject.

First off, if it's just my pic that you like please do not message me. Yes, I know I'm pretty. I have a profile for a reason. If you don't have anything in common with me based on my profile, then guess what? We have nothing in common!

Second, introduce yourself. A simple 'Hi my name is ...' will suffice. Tell me a little about yourself. But please don't talk about ex wives, ex girlfriend etc. This is really a first impression and if you come right out of the gate talking about ex's, I'm going to think they are still on your mind alot. I have enough baggage of my own, don't need yours too.

Third, if there's something in particular about my profile that you liked, tell me. Start an actual conversation. It's really not too hard.

And lastly, don't just come out and say we should get together. I don't know you from a hole in the wall. I'm not on here for a booty call or just a f*ck buddy. And you shouldn't be either. There are other websites for that.

**Jen**

Now Hiring

I am now hiring a manservant. This is a part-time position with possibility of advancement.

Duties include, but are not limited to:

• housekeeping


• preparing meals


• massages

Salary:

The pleasure of my company, with possible bonuses.

This position offers flexible hours, a fun relaxed atmosphere and a wonderful boss.

Apply within.

**Jen**

Just a Girl

Let's talk about gender roles, shall we? Even in today's society certain things are expected of men and women. Men are expected to be the providers and the protectors, women are expected to be the nurturers and care givers. Doesn't this seem like an old fashioned, 1950's type mentality? How far did women's lib really get us? Women are expected to follow a certain time table: go to school, get married, have babies, take care of your husband and children. Oh yeah, maybe throw a career in there if you want to.

What are you supposed to do when you reject your given gender role? A woman in her mid to late twenties is constantly bombarded with questions. 'When are you going to get married?', 'When are you going to have babies?' or even 'When are you going to find a decent man and settle down?'. No questions about careers or aspirations. It's like the world revolves around a woman being a wife and mother. YOU aren't following the norm therefore YOU are breaking the cycle. It's almost as if you're not a functioning member of society. And heaven forbid you say you don't want children, or have no intentions of getting married! You may as well say you're from another planet and have come to earth to dissect human brains. Guaranteed the looks you would receive wouldn't be that different.

So where does a twenty-something year old woman stand in todays society where your every indescresion is judged and labeled. You just have to push harder for what you want and let people say what they want to say. You can't control others opinions of you, you can only change your opinion of yourself. And if you can look in the mirror and be proud of who you are, that's all that matters.