On the Edge of 17 (plus 10)

One week until I'm officially in my late twenties, until I'm an age that I don't like to admit in public. But why? Is 27 really that bad? Well no, because I don't feel my age, and I certainly don't act it. I guess it's because of the social norms associated with people my age. I can already hear the barrage of questions forming 'when are you going to settle down?, you're not getting any older. You should think about getting married and having babies before it's too late.'. But I can't even see marriage in my near future, never mind children. Yes, before I know it I'll be the big 3-0. Hmm, I guess if I'm not married by then I'm doomed to be a cat lady right? It's not 1950. My mom actually told me that I'm her only hope (for grandchildren and success). Way to pressure me!!!

It doesn't help that all but a handful of my friends are either married or have kids. I honestly do not see the appeal. I enjoy my solitary life, coming and going as I please. Not having to answer to anyone. It's not that I'm irresponsible, I'm just only responsible for me. And I'm the most important person in my life.

I used to walk the well-trod path of the typical twenty-something. I went to college (albeit briefly), I lived with my boyfriend, I even got engaged and planned a wedding! But in the back of my mind day after day I asked myself why I was doing all of this. Was my life going in the direction that I wanted it to or was I just going with the flow, with what was supposed to come next? I'm pretty sure it was leaning towards the later. If you live your life like that are you really living it? (Sidenote: I just typo'd 'loving' instead of 'living'. Freudian slip?) So I decided to take control of my life, and essentially started over.

And thats where I am today, on the edge of 27. Single... and happy. I couldn't imagine my life any other way.

**Love Always**
Jen, the almost 27 year old.

Not your Average Girl

It's becoming more and more evident that I do not understand people. I don't understand why people put up with abuse and nonsense for "love". I don't understand why people feel petty things are so terribly important that they will end friendships and relationships over them. Maybe I'm just a go with the flow, zen kind of girl. Maybe I just don't have feelings. Either way, I'm not your typical girl.

If you don't call or text me everyday, it's OK. I do have a life and responsibilities. It doesn't mean that I don't like you, I'm just BUSY. Understand that and we'll get along fine.

If you don't remember our anniversary and don't buy me a gift, it's cool. chances are the only way I remembered (if I did...) is because I'm anal about writing everything down. And I don't want you to buy me a gift because you have to. I much prefer random meaningful gifts.

I try to be compassionate, I really do. But sometimes I'm thinking, why does it matter? There are times when I do actually say it, but I try to let people make their own decisions. And I'm happy with mine.

Love Always,
**Jen**

I Want Everything

I realize I may be contradicting myself a little bit here, but it's my blog and I can do whatever I want. I realize that it's a little over two months into the new year (and that I also said that I don't make new years resolutions). BUT I'm going to make some life resolutions, I guess you could call them. You could call them a bucket list (I'd prefer not to only because IF by chance I don't fulfill them will I die with regret? I'd rather not know.) And as with anything this list will constantly grow and evolve. I can't really be expected to hold onto the same hopes, dreams and goals for my entire life, can I?

1. Sleep in every state in the U.S. I only have 39 to go!

2. Go on a cruise. And not remember any of it.

3. Take a week (or month) and just drive. No destination required.

4. See as many live concerts as I can. (Or see many different artists live). This is where festivals are great.

5. Get married and divorced in Vegas.

6. Get the proverbial balls to go to a nude beach. And go nude.

7. Meet a rock star. Naked.

8. Own a corvette. Or two. Or three.

9. Try over 100 kinds of beer. Trust me, I'm well on my way.

10... yet to be decided.

I advise you come up with you own list. don't take it so seriously though. Remember what they say "Don't take life so serious, you'll never make it out alive."

**Love always**
Jen

Eat, Drink and be Merry...

Tis the time of year for Catholics to sacrifice something for forty days. Now, don't get me wrong I understand the reasoning and everything, but doesn't that just seem a little well, silly? Depriving yourself of something you love. I think we, as a society, sacrifice entirely too much in order to survive. We sacrifice our dreams in order to put food on the table. We sacrifice our personal happiness for the happiness of others. Don't we deserve to make ourselves happy? Why should we give up more of ourselves in order to have a good afterlife?

I'm from the school of thought that we should never deny ourselves things that make us happy. Life is too damn short to be anything but happy. And yes, there have been times when I have overindulged. But do I regret it? No. Would I have regretted not doing something that made me happy? Absolutely. Now, I'm not religious by any means, I don't live my life a certain way to assure that I get into heaven. I live everyday like it's the last one I'll see because I know all too well that it may be just that. I'm not saying that it's wrong to live a righteous life, I'm just saying that it's not for me. If I die with a smile on my face then it was all worth it. And if I go to hell because of it, so be it.

But back to Lent. I propose we try a reverse lent, if you will. Instead of sacrificing something, we need to do something everyday for forty days. Let's say you lent you gave up sex. Then have sex everyday for forty days. You get the gist?

Love always,
**Jen**

Who Are You?

I usually premeditate this blog, but I think I'm just going to wing this one. Forgive me if it's all mindless rambling. :-)

I've been thinking alot about going away, moving... just packing up and hitting the road. I get this way just about every winter. Between the cold, the snow, the holidays... pretty much everything that has to do with New England winter irritates me. I also just started watching Lost. When Locke said that everyone on the island gets to start over, I got me thinking. Who would you be if you got a fresh start?

Imagine, you move to a new place where you don't know anyone. Who would you be? Would you continue to be the same person that you've been all of your life? Maybe. But suppose you just wanted to change. Cut and dye your hair. Hell, even change your name. Maybe make up an elaborate story about your past. Maybe the new you would be more outgoing, brazen if you will. Or maybe you'd like to be more conservative, kick he bad habits to the curb.

It seems so easy to be able to change yourself in front of total strangers, why is it so hard to change in front of people you know and care about? Maybe it's fear. Maybe it's just comfortable being who you are. Maybe you're afraid that people might question your change, thus questioning who they are really friends with.

To be honest, I kind of forgot the point of this post. I guess it's just to ask, are you really you?

**Love always**
Jen

Build-A-Man

First, let me just preface this blog by saying that it has taken me a while to write. It's been on the tip of my brain for quite some time now. But the other night I had a realization. This blog does roughly describe someone.

I've been thinking alot about dating, and finding the right one. Of course, I don't believe in all the hoopla surrounding "the one", but lets just say that I did. I've tried a couple online dating things, and they're pretty much crap. 'Hey you're hot.', 'I'd do you' ... these are the messages I get. Seriously? And these are men that I wouldn't be remotely attracted to in real life. Does the internet give people the right to say whatever they want? I think not.

In today's society, we can customize pretty much everything. How we look (hmm maybe I'll try red hair, violet contacts... how 'bout some plastic surgery?), what we drive (red, SUV, chrome wheels,leather seats), even what we eat (have it your way). Then why is it so hard to find a mate that we're looking for. Shouldn't there be an online dating service that shows you exactly what you want, not just based on some random personality tests? Hence 'Build-A-Man'. You start by loading general data (age range, education, religion). Then it gets more specific. Hair style, eye color, build, activities, music, alcohol, drugs. You can design your perfect mate. You enter all your specified data and it shows you your exact match, and also 'if you liked him, you may like ...'. It should be an international database. You don't even need to sign up. Maybe the government can run it.

Here's mine:

24-30 male, rugged build, outdoorsy (camping, hiking, fishing), non religious but open to ideas, HS diploma, maybe some college, loves music of all types and loves going to live shows, moderate drinker, recreational drug use is ok. Shaggy hair, comfortable and relaxed without being a slacker. And he needs to be creative and very open to new ideas. Willing to try anything at least once. NO baggage. Oh, and his, ahem, package has to be just right ;-)

I remember saying that men should come with ingredient labels. With this you would be able to create your own.

**Love Always**
Jen

P.S. If you find this man, send him my way.

Nothing Changes on New Years Day

Every year instead of making resolutions for the new year, I reflect back on what I have learned in the past year. Anybody who knows me knows that I've been through a lot in 2009. But I've also learned a lot and couldn't be happier with my life right now.

1. Never compromise who you are to please someone else. If, by trying to make someone else happy, you are miserable, is it really worth it? I'm not saying that you shouldn't compromise at all, just don't go overboard trying to please people.

2. NOTHING is impossible. Earlier this ear I was faced with having to get (and pay for)my own apartment. I went into panic mode about money and time etc. But you know what, all that fretting was for nothing. I currently have an apartment, I'm paying rent and all my other bills, I just bought a car, all without sacrificing things that I want to do.

3. It's OK to be alone. In fact, it's great. I was worried about getting lonely having my own place, but it is awesome. I can walk around naked, have visitors and do whatever I want without bothering anybody. I never have to fight over the remote or the computer. It's all about me :-)

4. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it! I feel like people just go with the flow on too many things without truly feeling them out. For example, a couple is together for a few years, the next step would be marriage right? Maybe not. Maybe they're in their comfort zone and just staying together for convenience. Maybe they are fine the way they are and don't need/want to get married. Just because other people are doing something doesn't necessarily mean it's right for you.

5. I am awesome and can achieve anything I put my mind to. I also can get anything I want. I love me!

Love always,
**Jen**
Smooches to 2010!